Rejection...

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No I don’t like you.”

“No you’re just negative.”

“No way I’ll ever love you.”

“No you’re just a pessimist.”

“No you will not get to be with your parents anytime soon.”

“No! Just No!.” 

“No you’re life is not yours to take”

How much more rejections will I be able to handle?...

.....

“I’m not sure why I’m infatuated with death, my imagination is surly an aggravation of threats”- Kendrick lamar

If I just pull the plug now will anything change? Will I be missed? Will the blame land on me like always?

“We are all just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide ain’t the answer” - Kendrick Lamar 

Life for me is tasteless, I feel like an outsider looking in.

There is no joy left... at least for this period. 

I don’t want to give up my friends, I don’t want to to give up because I’m not sure I’ll find others. I don’t want to give up on life because I might miss some new songs or movies that might give me some limited joy. 

I want to be numb, I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I just want.. to be wanted. 

———————-

SA